She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
