I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
