I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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