Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
