Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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