Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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