You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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