I hope mine doesn't look like that
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
