hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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