My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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