first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize