Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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