i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
