i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize