Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
