I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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