Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
