"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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