i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
