You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize