You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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