I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
