I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
