Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
