In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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