So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
