Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
