I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
