He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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