...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
