I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
