No stitches, just platelets and will power
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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