Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
