Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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