That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
