So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
