it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
