U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
