So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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