I'm so fucking centered right now
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
