Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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