guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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