Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
