Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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