Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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