nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
