i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
