I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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