She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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