Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
