8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
