I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize