Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
