hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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