I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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