I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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