Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
