he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
