So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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