I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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