He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
