I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
