Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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