you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
