The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
