super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
