Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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