we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
even my farts smell like vagina
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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